its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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