Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize