and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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