Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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