I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
