It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
