I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
