good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
