I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
