Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize