I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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