She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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