Soap is not a condiment
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
