What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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