saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
either way he was missing a nipple.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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