I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize