I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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