Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
