A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
