I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
