Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize