So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
