By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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