Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize