also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
