Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
