i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
