There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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