..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
