Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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