Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
