C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
