So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
