I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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