I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
