one two three fourrrrnication!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
