He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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