People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
