How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
