i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
