Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
