i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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