if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
