Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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