I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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