the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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