i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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