DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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