sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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