I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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