I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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