You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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