weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
