Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
