Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
