i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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