in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
