She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
