ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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