so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
