I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
