fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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