U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
