so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
