I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
