just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
