i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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