I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
