My Higher Power is John Stamos
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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