so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm at about main and main street
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
