His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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